This quite awesome sermon was preached by Rob Rufus at City Church International on Sunday 5th April 2009."The Good Shepherd".
At the "Glory and Grace Conference" - people became slightly like the Bible - we're not there yet. They were much more drunk in the Book of Acts in the original church! People got so drunk in the Holy Spirit on the Wednesday or the Thursday night at "Glory and Grace" that they rolled down the driveway where we were meeting and staggered through the streets and people in the coffee shop reported them to the police. This is a true story! The Hong Kong police came and saw members of this church staggering drunk in the street - no alcohol on their breath at all! They said; "What are you doing?". And the people said; "Oh no, ha ha, we have just come from a church meeting! And we are so happy!". The police said; "That's fine - carry on - carry on". Those must be anointed police to recognise that these people were not drunk on alcohol that leads to stupid things but drunk on the very essence and nectar and atmosphere of the glory realm that believers are set for for all eternity and that was a little experience of the glory! And people were drunk for hours! Some actually lost their cool drinks! I saw coke cans rolling down!
I wanted to read so many testimonies and emails that have been coming in from all over the world of the after-effects of the "Glory and Grace Conference". There are healings and testimonies - I will read them out next week maybe. Of people deaf hearing - the first Sunday back! Miracles, fresh message of grace being preached around the world in different churches! I would love to read about some miracles that happened here - people from this church and others went into resturants in Hong Kong and shared the gospel. Gold started appearing on their hands and they started showing unbelievers the gold appearing in their hands! That is signs and wonders evangelism! It is giving them something to be fascinated by so they say "What is this?" and then you have a right to speak the truth! I would love to read you a letter from a small opal mining town in South Australia where they are having revival because of City Church International Hong Kong and the downloads off our website and aboriginal people are getting set free from generations of curses and issues! I would love to read you all the good things that God is doing! But I want to get straight into the message because we have a wedding here today at 12:00.
Open your Bibles if you feel like it! How many of you remember that when Peter the apostle was speaking at Cornelius's home and Paul when he was speaking against his accusers and they spoke about Jesus and they said this; "This thing about Jesus never happened in a small corner in Israel but it was noised abroad for the whole of the nation to hear about!". In Acts chapter 4 when the disciples are arrested for the miracle of that man that was crippled at Gate Beautiful and they said that this teaching and talk about Jesus has filled the whole city and we forbid you to preach in His Name!
You and I were not born to live quiet little Christian lives in the corner somewhere meeting for little chicken dinners after church, for cute little Christianity! We were born and we were destined for the world to know that the greatest event that has ever happened is not some celebrity coming to Hong Kong - but it is Jesus Christ the Redeemer of the Nations! In the New Covenant God has changed the way He looks at the world! He is now not counting men's sins against them! He has reconciled the entire world to Himself and He has cancelled the law at the Cross!
Are all going to go to heaven? No! That is the tragedy! There is one sin that He could not die for and that is the sin of unbelief in Jesus. But He has forgiven the world! He is not judging the world! The tsnuamis are not God - it is the earth creaking and cracking under the stress of first Adam's fallenness! But our God is in a good mood and He is pouring out His Spirit on all flesh and all who call upon the Name of the Lord will be saved!
We were called to make a riot! We were called to go to prison or we were called to have revival - but we were NOT called to be ignored!
The church is ignored in many parts of the world until signs, wonders and miracles start happening! Until boldness comes on the people and they get so full of love that they can't help it anymore! It is not about them anymore and their retirement fund and their happy little life! They are so full of the overflow of the goodness of God that they MUST tell people who are half-way to suicide, depressed, on drugs, on excess alcohol - they MUST tell broken people that I have been redeemed, I was broken and HE rescued me! And I have seen the dead raised and I have seen blind eyes opened and the deaf hearing and I have seen cripples come out of their wheelchairs and it wasn't me - it was the God I met!
And most of us will have to say that I didn't meet Him in church! Because church doesn't preach this Jesus! Church preaches another gospel, another Jesus and another Spirit! They teach something that is comfortable for little small-thinking religious bigots who would gather every Sunday and be happy with their little fellowship and to hell with the world and don't let the world find out about us! No - let the whole world find out, not about us, but about the One that we worship!
We are impacting nations from Hong Kong! You should read the email! Miners down there in the opal mines, working in dark tunnels with MP3's in their ears - listening to "Glory and Grace" - listening to City Church messages on grace - and singing! They say they are singing and shouting down there in the opal tunnels! Other testimonies and miracles! I want to talk today and it is going to be Part 7 on "Conducting Heaven's Influence into the Earth". One of the biggest revelations for me is the picture of our Lord in a specific way. Jesus and God Almighty are pictured in many, many tremendous images. He is the Lion of the tribe of Judah, He is the Lamb of God, He is the Captain of the Host, the Warrior King! But the picture He is most pictured in throughout the Old and New Testament - by far the most often used picture of our God is that of a "Good Shepherd"!
You need to come into the revelation I have come into! One of the biggest privilidges in recent months in my life personally is the rediscovery that the best that I am is that I am a sheep in His flock. He is the Chief Shepherd and yes I am a shepherd, but I am a sheep! Under the Chief Shepherd! Many pastor/shepherds have problems because they don't see that they are sheep! First we are sheep with sheep needs and the greatest privilidge that I am discovering is being a sheep in the flock of the Good Shepherd. The Bible talks about goats and sheep - goats are those that are very independent and it is a representation of pride. Goats find their own paths on the rocky cliffs and they go where they want and when they want. Sheep find safety and security when they have a good shepherd leading them! We call them "dumb sheep" but maybe we should call them "humble" because they are followers of the shepherd! They trust that shepherd's integrity has absolute authenticity and that shepherd absolutely has designed a master-plan for their lives that is not going to lead them through death and destruction and breakup and pain! That He has a green pasture for them and He has still waters for them and if they follow Him they will lack for nothing!
When David, this great warrior king who could cut people's heads off - when he found out about Saul's offer to him; "200 Philistines" - this man who wrote the Psalms! - went and cut foreskins off men he had killed with his own hands! That is a man I love! I like those kind of men! I like those men and want more men like that in the church! Not to kill because you are not allowed to do that. But I am tired of effeminate men in the church. I want men, rugged, crazy, bold men! Every wife tries to tame her men because she wants him to be more considerate then she tames him and resents him for being so tame and then runs off with some ugly guy because he climbs mountains and is rugged and adventerous. God called men to do what the Man Christ Jesus did and go into the Temple and kick tables over and crack a whip and say "This is MY Father's house! You Pharisees! You brood of vipers! You are so clean on the outside but on the inside you are stinking corpses!". The man! We have a man in the church today! Where are they?! Sitting politically correct in so-called false unity! Not rocking the boat! Well Jesus is shaking the boat and breaking the boat! He is breaking the religious boat!
There are millions going to hell because of the politically correct men in the church! Sorry - this isn't part of my message! There are women who are so awesome all over the church world because they have had to stand up because of the absence of men!
Hong Kong needs more Chinese men strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might! We have so many beautiful Chinese single sisters! For the lack of men with some chest on them and some boldness!
And they will say; "I want to follow a man like that! He is decisive and courageous! Boy I want to follow him!". He is not dominating and he will never punch me! But he will punch a man that tries to hurt me! I punched a high-ranking United States officer of the marines in Australia. As a Christian pastor! So his face was bleeding! Why? Because he crossed the line and tried to do something that my wife wasn't encouraging. You say "Oh that isn't Christian Rob". No, I know but a son of God does those things.
I don't want to be a Christian! I want to be a son of God!
The point I am trying to make is being a sheep. This man called David - the warrior king - said "The Lord is my Shepherd". There are so many people who are so full of; "I am an apostle! I am this and I am that!". No - you are a sheep and He is the Shepherd! And I shall not lack for anything! And David didn't lack for anything - for wealth, for victory, for armies, for friends, for the anointing - he never lacked because he said "The Lord is my shepherd. He makes me lie down in green pastures". The word in Hebrew for "green" is the word for the anointing. It means "newness, freshness".
The new anointing of the New Covenant is different to the old anointing of the Old Covenant. The old anointing reminds you of your sins. The New Covenant reminds you that you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! The Old Covenant anointing reminds you of everything that is wrong with you. The New Covenant anointing reminds you of how perfectly right you are with God all the time because it is in Christ Jesus! The Old Covenant says "I will not remove the iniquity of the guilty" and imputes your sin to you. The New Covenant does not ever impute your sin to you but it is declared; "Your sins He will never remember!".
He makes me lie down in realms of the NEW! There is a newness today happening in this church. New, green pastures! New! "Beside still waters". That doesn't mean stagnation. The Hebrew word means "restful waters". The Hebrew word for healing has it's root word in "relaxation". It is when you enter into rest there is healing in your life. "He makes me lie down next to restful waters in green, new fresh anointing that I am righteous in Christ".
Anyone who knows the voice of the Good Shepherd, the voice of religion they will not follow! The voice that condemns you, the voice that says "Do harder, you are not doing enough, come on try harder". That is the voice of the church. It is not the voice of the Good Shepherd. HE makes you lie down in green pastures and next to restful waters. He will always lead His sheep by rest. He never drives you, He never manipulates you, He never makes you do a thing. He leads you by rest and when there is unrest - that is Him letting you know; "Don't make that decision!". I don't care if it is a big decision - do I leave this country and go to that country or marry this or that person or change this or that job. EVERY decision must be made out of rest!
If you let rest lead you by the Good Shepherd's leading then you will look so clever! People will think you are so well educated! People will say; "How did you invest then just before everything went up? And how come you pulled your stocks out then just before everything went down? Did you study? Are you highly educated? Do you have a great IQ and talents for the investment world?". No. I am a sheep and the greatest privilidge is to be a sheep because I am not a goat. I don't pride myself on independence and I have looked at goats and I have been a goat and there is a trail of depression, broken relationships, hell, addictions, no I never want to be a goat again! He makes me lie down in green, new pastures and restful waters! And He guides me with rest!
I have seen the educated goats and highly talented goats lead frustrated lives of failure in their marriages and everything they do is frustrated yet they are most educated and clever people! Because they don't know what it is to be a sheep and to trust the integrity and the goodness of this shepherd.
When we were deciding on "Glory and Grace" and we had to make up our minds about 7 months ago - we started planning. The economic credit crunch had already kicked in big time. And we had to decide whether to meet again in this hall or go to the 800 seater hall. I was already getting friends ringing me and saying they wouldn't be able to come because finances were difficult. Pastors weren't being paid salaries. And I remember Marike, Glenda and I went and looked at the hall and they were inside. I was standing outside and I said; "Lord I am not gambling with the church's money. I haven't given everyone an opportunity to decide whether they want to have this conference or whether to meet in that hall. It is therefore not my right to gamble with City Church's savings". And if we fell short of the budget - because I was calculating that hall was $65,000 and hundreds of thousands to run the conference with speakers, hotels and advertising - I said I would pay it out of my own pocket. I said; "Lord do we hire this hall?".
And as soon as I said that, peace! Restful waters! Rest! "Go ahead!". And when Marike and Glenda came out I said, "That's it! We are signing!". The next few months leading upto "Glory and Grace" people were cancelling and letting me know that they couldn't come - even key people. Then our website collapsed! It was hacked into and destroyed! And I thought "What are we going to do?". And I felt "Rest!". You know what? The conference came and the building was full! There were signs, wonders and miracles that many people in their entire Christian lives had never seen! Lives were changed! Not only was the budget met but we put into the savings accounts of City Church International a nice healthy figure of finance numbers that was left over! Not into my account! This church's account! And people thought; "Rob is such a good conference leader! He is so clever! So experienced! We can trust this man - he knows what he is doing!". No! I was a dumb sheep! I just listened because if He had said "Don't take that hall" and if there was unrest then I would have not taken the hall.
Don't keep being a goat making stupid decisions of independence and then when hell beaks loose you say "It's the devil!". No - it's not the devil! It's the goat! Goats butt here and butt there! "Rob I know that's true BUT there's an economic downturn!". He restores my soul! If you could look at the state of the average person in Hong Kong I think you would be shocked and horrified. If you look out at a yacht on the marina you can see their sails but below the surface there are barnacles stuck that hinder their passage through the water. If you could look at the state of people's souls - what is that? Their soul hasn't been restored and has wear and tear year after year but if you follow the Good Shepherd then He restores your soul. Why has the church got so many "inner healing" seminars and so many "Cleansing Streams" seminars and all kinds of supplements to the Cross, all kinds of things to add-to rather than the simple?
Did the apostles have all of these seminars and all of these supplement ministries? Or did they just preach the Cross and the power of the Holy Spirit and the revelation that you are not under law but grace and the manifestation of the Good Shepherd turned up and healed their broken hearts!?
This introspection - go back to your mother's womb, go back to your past, back to your budgies cage where it committed suicide. Please! We have got to stop this! It is anti-Christ, it is anti the Gospel and it is anti the finished work of the Cross and I haven't seen anyone helped by it yet! The proponents of it are the most insecure people! It is the truth! I have been leading churches for over 30 years and I have seen and watched these things and have watched the people who have led them and I haven't seen convincing results! But I have seen a people emerge when this Gospel is preached and this Good Shepherd is revealed and the goats repent and become sheep. Stop sticking your head into a sausage machine and then turning the handle yourself! And coming out the other side; "It's the devil!". No it is your goat thinking that got you into the problem! I was too busy to let the Shepherd do this or that! We just sit and watch stuff instead of learning about the anointing of the New Covenant. He leads me in the pathways of righteousness for His own Name's sake! This is for His Name sake! It is not the sheep that keep the Shepherd! It is not the sheep that are responsible to make the Shepherd look good! It is the Shepherd who feels responsible to make the SHEEP look good! If He has a lot of sheep walking around crippled and half their hair is off and they are mangy then it doesn't make the Shepherd look very good does it? It is for His own Names sake!
The pathways of righteousness that He leads us in - righteousness theologically and accurately - means the gift of His righteousness!
He leads me in pathways of ever increasing revelation that I have the righteousness of God as a free gift! For Romans 9 and 10:1-4 says Israel sought after righteousness according to the principle of the law and never gained righteousness. The Gentiles who did not seek righteousness obtained righteousness and then in Romans 10:2-3 says that Israel was zealous but their zeal was without knowledge and they did not submit to the gift of God's righteousness but sought to establish their own righteousness but those who look to Him will never be put to shame! WE have the righteousness of God and this Good Shepherd will keep leading you in that pathway of understanding the righteousness of God!
Remember that little woman who touched the robe of Jesus and she had 12 years of bleeding. She touched His robe and felt power come out of His robe. What does Isaiah 61 say? It is a Messanic prophecy about Jesus - it says that He will be clothed with the robe of righteousness. What did she touch? She touched His RIGHTEOUSNESS. She touched the hem of the robe which is the colour blue for the Israeli rabbi - the colour of grace. She touched righteousness and when she touched it - 12 years of bleeding stopped. But not her righteousness! She was led in the pathways of His gift of righteousness.
What did Jesus say? Matthew 5; "Stop being so worried, stop taking care of this and worrying about that, and running after this and burning the candle at both ends - you are overworking! This is what the pagans do - they try to store up and have!". He said; "You seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things ...". The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack NOTHING! I lack no love, no finance - I am not in debt. I lack no health. I am not a goat but a little dumb sheep and all I have to do is what my Father shows me and do whatever He tells me! If there is unrest then I don't do it! I don't leave, I don't go, don't preach, don't say unless there is rest! Seek first the kingdom and not your righteousness!
The church will say; "Get more righteous - righteousness is your performance!". There is NO such righteousness in the New Covenant - that is OLD Covenant righteousness earned by the law! Paul said; "I don't want a righteousness that is by the law but one that is apart from the law that is by faith in Jesus Christ!". There is no other righteousness except imputed righteousness that is a gift!
Seek first the Kingdom and HIS righteousness. The more you seek that to understand it and be led in the pathways of the revelation of righteousness for His Namesake then all things will come to you. That would stop about 90% of pastoral counselling in the church world! Most problems are goat problems! That doesn't mean you don't come for counselling unless you be seen as a goat! No I need counselling sometimes and if we have goat problems then this is a grace church and we love goats! A little bit of goat in all of us! She touched the robe of His righteousness and 12 years of bleeding stopped. Now I just want you to think of something here and this is very important for your future.
God said through Isaiah - Israel you are seeking a righteousness that is by the law. Israel your righteousness to Me is like filthy rags. He didn't say your sinning is like filthy rags. He said your RIGHTEOUSNESS - your morality - you trying to be good enough to earn blessings - you trying to keep the law to be good enough - your righteousness is like filthy rags! Am I being crude or biblical? What is the Hebrew? Anyway who has studied the Hebrew there knows that filthy rags is referring to a woman's menstrual cloth. That is what it refers to. That is God! I am not being crude. Women have menstruation cycles a few days every month and it is healthy and beautiful and glorious and it is God and it brings fertility and it is wonderful. It is God's design. But He said; "Your righteousness is like filthy menstrual cloths. Paul said self-righteousness is like faeces or dung or poo (Philippians 3). The modern church with it's Victorian morality can't take Bible words anymore - it has become so politically correct.
Where has the laughter gone in this place? All I am doing is speaking and reading Bible to you. Your efforts to please Me with all your works and your absence of faith in what happened at the Cross is like dirty menstrual cloths. There was a woman who had a menstrual cloth on for 12 years. You can't give birth when you are bleeding for 12 years. The Church has got it's menstrual cloth on and it hasn't come out of the Dark Ages yet. It is still not finished in the Reformation. It has got so much menstrual cloth, it is bleeding on the inside because of the savagery of condemnation, guilt and accusation by the law. 12 years of wearing a menstrual cloth, 12 years of not being fruitful and not giving birth to dreams and visions and signs and wonders and miracles and all paralysed! She touched His robe of righteousness and 12 years of bleeding stopped like that. He leads me in the pathways of righteousness for His Name sake!
You know why you have goats? Because they are people under law and angry with the church because they don't realise He loves them. When you realise this is a Good Shepherd and I might have a hurting heart and might sit under grace message for a few months and the hurt will still be there but it is getting less and less and you are getting healed! You may have decisions that took years and years to get into and you are not getting out of it - seek first His Kingdom! Touch the robe of His righteousness and that menstrual robe mentality is gone! Now people that receive the grace message - all it is doing is equipping you. It is not guaranteeing you immunity to condemnation! How many of you have found that out? That equipment is not a passive thing in your hand! You hear the message of grace and some frothing at the mouth, insane man preaches it year after year and you sit there and are getting equipped but what you DO with that equipment is not my responsibilty.
We that receive the message of grace love to believe we are not self-righteous in any area. "Praise God I go to a grace church and I believe I am the righteousness of God that is in Christ Jesus! There is NO self-righteousness in me! No filthy menstrual cloths over my head!". Oh yere? You want to look me in the eye and tell me there is NO area in your life that you are not self-righteous in? Come on. Anyone want to do that today? Let's find out who has got self-righteous areas in our lives. I believe deeply at many levels that I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus even when I have messed up and made a mistake - I am still the righteousness of God. It is a permament standing in Christ. Do I have any self-righteous areas in my life? Unfortunately - yes. Where? Not telling you!
Here is the litmus test - this is how you know which area you have self-righteousness in. Any area in your life where you have worry, anxiety frequently - that is an area where you are living in self-righteousness. Let me say that again. The pagans and heathens - most of these precious Hong Kong and expat people - 99% of people in this city take thought and worry. How do you know that someone is a heathen and self-righteous? Worry. Anxiety. What shall we wear? What's my image? How will I pay the bills? He said; "Take no thought!".
No worries mate! I am sure that Jesus was an Aussie! He said "Take no worries mate!". Tell them! Be honest! Let them see the real face! God doesn't have faces that He hides behind! He has a beautiful face! Let people see the real you! Let your anger out! I would rather you punch me and we kiss and make up later than this false artificial politically correct rubbish! I don't want people saving face! I want people to be angry with me! I want reality! Stop worrying about this and that but seek first the Kingdom of God!
What is the Kingdom of God? The Kingdom of God is the reign of God - the Good Shepherd leading your life!
It's not a pretense that He is leading your life when it is convinient! But I want to marry this person! Unrest! But I want! Don't! Oh He doesn't know what He's talking about! We really follow the Good Shepherd! That is His beautiful peaceful government! Not you trying to be holy, obedient or good enough!
His righteousness and His obedience and His holiness and His obedience and His fulfilling the law given to YOU as a gift! When you believe that it will start changing the way you live! You will have greater victory over sin and addictions and the control of addictions!
Any area you have anxiety or worry in - you are being self-righteous because in that area you do not believe you are the righteousness of God. Those who believe I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus have such a secure self-image and a trust in this Good Shepherd that they are not going to worry about going down.
When this woman with a menstrual cloth on her for 12 years touched the robe of righteousness - her bleeding instantly stopped.
In (v34) of that chapter He turned to her and said; "Daughter!" (a believer) "your faith has made you well - go in peace and be freed from your suffering". When you read that you don't get the full meaning of what Jesus was saying. I promise you this - the New Testament was written in Greek primarily and the Old Testament in Hebrew. In the Greek - and it is easy to find - when He said; "Daughter ... go in peace and be freed from your suffering" - He did not say "Go in peace". The Greek word for "in" is "en" - He said; "Go eis" which is "Go INTO peace". Go into the realm of peace! Go into the reality of peace and your healing will be permament! The English says; "And you will be freed from your suffering" but He says; "Go into peace and your healing will be permament". I can guarantee you that it was her self-righteousness that drove her into stress-worry and anxiety that finally caused 12 years of bleeding - that He knew He could stop that flow of blood by the power that came out of Him but if she doesn't go into peace, which is going INTO the righteousness of God then she will get that same condition back again.
Any area that you have anxiety or worry in - then in that area you are not seeking first His righteousness but your own and your own hard work and own earning and own deserving and your own leading to guilt, condemnation, worry and anxiety. How many you truly believe that it is the will of God and it is possible for believers to spend all of their lives without worry and without anxiety? How many of you believe that is a possibility?! Is it happening in the Church!? Christians are some of the most depressed people I have met! Because they are under laws and rules and regulations! They know how to act on Sunday and "Hallelujah, praise God" and go home and have weird depressions and ideas and worries. That is not the Kingdom and Jesus didn't die for that! Go INTO peace! What is the Kingdom? Romans 14:17 - righteousness! The whole book of Romans is speaking about not being self-righteous but receiving the gift of righteousness! Righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit!
When you believe you are righteous then peace comes and joy comes in the Holy Spirit! I am committed to having no areas in my life where I live with self-righteousness! I don't want a menstrual rag over some areas of my life. Every area of my life I want to believe that I am the righteousness of God! Every area! No worry and no cares! "Though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death". That staff brings them in close and the rod would beat the living daylights out of any wolf. When He says "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" - He is not saying that God leads you through the valley of the shadow of death. The implication is that it is sheep that decide to take short cuts! It is sheep that want to be a goat today and end up walking through the valley of the shadow of death! Even when we end up in that valley then this Shepherd doesn't say "To hell with them" but He comes into that valley and picks you up and carries you back on His shoulders celebrating and having a great party! The Bible says He will abundantly party and according to forgiveness Ephesians chapter 1 says; "He forgives us according to the riches of His grace!". If you want to know how much you are forgiven then find out about the riches of His grace!
People will worry if you are not worried! Just follow the Good Shepherd! Follow the Good Shepherd into new green fresh revelation, restful waters, restore your soul, you will touch His righteousness and that eternal bleeding will stop and wholeness will come into your soul.
The man and the women who can conquer condemnation and religious guilt by believing the grace of God is a man or woman that the Lord will appoint to be a commander-in-chief on this planet. That is what David said - anyone who can go up and rescue Jerusalem from the Jebbusites, the oppressors, the condemners. The man who will go up by the watergate and rescue Jerusalem from the Jebbusites; "I will make commander-in-chief". The man that can defeat the oppressor, the spirit of heaviness will in Hong Kong be a commander in chief because there are millions living under the oppression of the Jebbusites.
Not only over the church but the unsaved - because they suffer guilt and oppression! There are husbands that work so hard and feel so guilty that they are neglecting their children. I say this to you - any decision you make motivated by guilt is a disasterous decision. Religion will motivate people to do things by manipulating them with guilt and it makes them twice as subject to the Jebbusites. The husband or wife that can understand that guilt and condemnation are of the devil and not from the Good Shepherd - when a partner sees them feeling they are neglecting the children and that wife or husband learns that they are being rude, irritable and unkind then they don't take it personally because when there is guilt in your life then anxiety, worry and depression will follow. They may be irritable with you but inside they are feeling guilty because they are neglecting the children because they are working so hard. The husband or wife who realises the worst thing they could do is put more guilt on them - that is a commander in chief husband or wife and he will not let the Jebbusites have any more room. A husband or wife who realises that any decision made out of guilt will bring destruction on this home - but they instead realise they must take the guilt off their partner and their partner will worship the ground they walk on and be amazed but you are really just a sheep walking and following.
I know pastors that leave the ministry because they feel guilty about the people that leave their church and can't meet the needs of everyone. Every church has got someone leaving saying there is not enough love here. Pastors who leave - and hundreds left Jesus! - but He didn't make a decision to destroy His ministry. The man that gives up his job that is so busy because his wife is complaining and then they have nothing and the wife complains that there is not enough. I have seen men and women give up careers because they feel guilty about neglecting their children and then they make their children gods and give their children everything. I watch those children grow up and those children grow up confused and messed up. You can motivate people out of guilt but they are doing it as hostages. It is not the amount of time you spend with your children but the amount of peace on your life while you spend time with your children. I say this to people - make NO decision based on guilt from children, people, anybody. Wait for the orders of rest and peace. Follow the Lamb and not the pressure of guilt. Your kids won't appreciate you spending time with them based out of guilt but the little time you can give to them because you are no longer self-righteous and bound by worry and anxiety and depression but free and full of peace and joy in the Holy Spirit then they will appreciate that time - whether it is half an hour or an hour! They will appreciate it! If out of peace the Lord says "Leave" and you leave governned by peace then you will be under the government of heaven.